I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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