So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
