I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
