I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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