I smell stomach acid.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
