And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
