I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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