Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
