there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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