Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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