mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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