Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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