i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
