I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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