bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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