Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
