I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
