Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
