You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
