I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
