You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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