Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
