I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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