Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
worst night to have a conscience
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just pee around me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
