you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
