there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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