I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
