I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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