if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
