it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
