I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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