problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
