Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
