Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
