i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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