Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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