on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
