piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
