you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
