I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
