I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
