I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
