awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
