This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
