id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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