we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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