wanna go halves on a baby?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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