Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
