dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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