I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
