I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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