Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
