yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
