Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
