It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
