Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
