the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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