I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
