I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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