Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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