He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
