winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
