she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
