cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
