weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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