I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
