i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
