it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
