We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
