I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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