I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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