the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
