Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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