as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
