puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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