I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sext me about skeletons
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
