Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
