so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
