i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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